Hypothetical Question of the Day by Jay Abbondanza – Jay-Z – Gwyneth Paltrow Conundrum

She shows this picture to everyone

When Gwyneth Paltrow calls Jay-Z does he let it go to voicemail?

Gwyneth Paltrow is perhaps the Duke University of people. Most people hate her. Why, because she’s rich and appears annoying.

One of her most irritating qualities is her penchant for discussing her relationship with Jay-Z. According to her they are best friends. Allegedly her, her husband, Coldplay’s Chris Martin, Beyoncé, and Jay-Z are all the best of friends. They are so close in fact that Gwyneth’s children call Jay-Z “Uncle Jay.” She has talked about this many times in many interviews and in many tweets. It appears to be something she takes great pride in.

Don’t get me wrong if I was friends with Jay-Z and Beyonce rest assured I would bring it up every chance I got, but I can’t help but wonder about the validity of her claim. It just seems like she’s exaggerating the situation. She just seems really into the concept of being his friend. Conversely, aside from a scattered rap lyric, I have not heard Jay-Z reciprocate the relationship to the same degree, at least not publicly.

The reason could simply be that Jay-Z is cooler than Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s cool for her to be his friend, but it’s not as cool for him to be her friend. Their relationship could be as solid as a rock, but it’s just hard to bring that up when you’re telling people about The Blueprint 3. There appears to be a similar dynamic with Jay-Z and Barack Obama. Jay-Z talks about their closeness a lot, but mum appears to be the word on Obama’s end.

I have some circumstantial evidence to support the claim that she’s at least slightly full of crap.

Reason 1 She’s not the Godmother and Chris Martin is not the Godfather of little Blue Ivy. If they were as close as she claims it would seem that that may be a role that they would fill, but apparently that honor went to Jay-Z best friend Tyran “Ty Ty” Smith and Oprah Winfrey.

Reason 2 Her kids call him “Uncle Jay” not “Uncle Shawn.” I’m not going to pretend to know what people call him in his personal life, but I would imagine that those closest to him would call him by his real name, Shawn Carter.

Reason 3 She just strikes me as the kind of person who is so removed from any hardship and turmoil that the concept of being friends with any black person, much less one of the most popular black people on earth would really seem like a fun lark for her to go on. I just picture asking about “Marcy” a lot and telling him how “phat” his beats are. (This is completely speculation based on a small sample size of information and a vague memory of her tweeting something ambiguously racist and not actual fact.)

So, what does everyone else think? When she calls is he picking up?

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