Hypothetical Question of the Day by Jay Abbondanza – Lumineer Murderous Rage

Seriously, don't you want to just wipe the smile off their stupid little faces?

Seriously, don’t you want to just wipe the smile off their stupid little faces?

Is it normal to be filled with a violent rage when you see the Lumineers play music?

For those of you who don’t know, The Lumineers are a new folk band. They were on SNL this weekend and you probably know their song from a Bing commercial. They wear bowties, play mandolins, and don’t have a drummer. However, what they lack in a drummer they certainly make up for in whimsy.

The neo-folk movement is something that disturbs me greatly. It’s hard to put my finger on what exactly about it is bothering me, but let’s throw out a couple of ideas.

1. I don’t think anyone poor has ever played this music and if they do they vote Republican, have a tenuous relationship with minorities, and are really worried about what Obama’s going to do to the nation.
2. I think that people who listen to this music would mock me for liking Limp Bizkit and would do so while wearing suspenders.
3. I’m not sure anyone likes The Lumineers and Rick Ross at the same time and I am firmly in the Rick Ross camp.
4. I feel like they’re all playing pretend.
5. I can’t imagine a time in my life where I would be joyfully wistful enough to warrant The Lumineers scoring that magical moment, I’m just not discovering that much about myself anymore.
6. If I met a folk singer at a party they wouldn’t want to talk to me.

So, with that in mind is violent rage the appropriate response to The Lumineers?

If you’re like me Woodstock ’99 was your Woodstock. It was the Woodstock not of Peace, Love, and Music, but of Frustration, Rage, and Anger. It featured DMX, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock, Rage Against the Machine, and rioting because of a lack of bathrooms and expensive water. For better or worse my formative years were scored with vague anger with little to no direction. Because of this my natural reaction to whimsy is rage. I don’t consider myself an unhappy person, until of course I see the ridiculous faces of the members of The Lumineers. At that point, my feelings of contentment fade quickly as I see that there must be some hidden level of joy available only to members of society who possess the lack of shame required to don a bowtie. My contentment is replaced with rage and that rage is only subdued by fight videos on worldstarhiphop.com, but that’s just me. If you’re like this, then yes, yes murderous rage is the appropriate response.

If you’re a healthy individual who prefers quinoa to bread crumbs, straw fedoras to baseball hats, or simply has the ability to ignore things that don’t appeal to you then no murderous rage probably isn’t the appropriate response.

So, which camp are you in?

See for yourself:

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