Hypothetical Question of the Day by Jay Abbondanza – Rules for Blind Attack

Don’t worry, you will be screaming

Is it alright to righteously punch blind people if you’re screaming while you’re doing it?

Blind people, they exist. They’re not just on TV, they’re real. If you’re anything like me, you’re not quite sure how to deal with them. When you interact with them it can be like talking to someone who speaks a different language in their language. Every move comes with some sort of unsure access of your memory. Instead of attempting to recall the Spanish word for hello, you’re trying to remember the best way to say hello to a blind person. Do you have to introduce yourself if you’ve already met? Do they possess heightened voice recognition capabilities? Do you shake hands? Well, if they put their hand out you better shake, but do you actually grab their hand if they don’t first make the move? If they’re coming through with their cane, what’s the etiquette? Should you remain still and hope the cane hits your foot? What if you move away from the cane and then they assume they’re safe and end up running into you? If you see them leave a huge tip should you assume they’re generous or unaware of the denomination of their bills?

This is not intrinsic knowledge. It doesn’t matter how many times you watch Dare Devil or Scent of a Woman you could still screw up and make an ass of yourself. Just ask any person that’s physically pointed something out to a blind person or spoken to them slowly and loudly while enunciating. Even in Scent of a Woman the well-meaning Charles gets yelled at when he grabs the Colonel’s arm. Apparently you’re not supposed to just grab blind people, who knew?

I think we can all agree that we tend to handle blind people with a certain amount of decorum. You’re nicer to them, show them a little more consideration, but just like anyone else they can be assholes. Every now and again they’re going to step out of line and when they do you have to check ‘em. They can’t just be running around society with a free pass for all manner of dysfunction. They shan’t be free to commit random acts of mayhem simply because they only possess 4 out of the 5 senses. I say nay, they must be held to similar standards as those of us going 5 for 5, but the punishment must be just and it must be fair.

So with that in mind, is it alright to righteously punch blind people if you’re screaming when you do it?

I think only the lowest of our society think that it would be ok for someone to hit a blind person with a left hook and then fade into the darkened abyss that is there reality. If you’re going to punch a blind person two criteria must be met, you better have a good reason and you must attempt to make it a fair fight. Screaming while punching allows the blind an opportunity to use their heightened sense of hearing to locate you and return your blows. It is also a manifestation of catharsis. You are audibly as appalled as you should be. You’re committing a ghastly offense and you’re reacting appropriately. If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of being an instrument of justice for the seeing impaired, punch screaming would appear to be the lesser of all evils.

But, do you agree? Is it ever alright to righteously punch blind people if you’re screaming while you do it?

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