Hypothetical Question of the Day by Jay Abbondanza – Working with Shaq

You. I don’t like you.

If you worked with Shaq would you get along?

Shaquille O’Neal is one of the most gregarious and charismatic players to ever play professional sports. He’s starred in terrible movies, danced with the Jabbawockeez, and is a 4 time NBA Champion, but my guess is he’s a bit of an asshole.

What is this based on? Pure conjecture, I’m just guessing.

I do have a few reasons not to like the big man. He left my favorite team, the Orlando Magic, in his prime. The 3 championships that he won with Kobe in L.A. could’ve possibly been won in Orlando with Penny Hardaway, but it was more important for him to pursue his many interests in Hollywood.

Unfortunately, this was not Diesel’s first trespass. For whatever reason, Shaq was not on the roster for NBA Jam for Sega. You try taking pride in your team when your best player is absent. Nobody wants to be Scott Skiles. Even Scott Skiles can’t be that happy with it.

At this point, Shaq has just reached a saturation level. He knows we like him and he’s sees how popular Charles Barkley is so he appears to be going down that path, but he’s like Ashton Kutcher funny. Maybe dumb people will laugh and he will damn sure laugh at himself, but he’s not actually entertaining and if I see that terrible Buick commercial again I’m going to scream. The whole point is that it’s big and he doesn’t even fit in the damn car. Am I crazy?!

Furthermore, he just seems like one of those assholes who’s friends with everybody, but can’t carry on a conversation. Like, the two of you will be talking and you’ll make some sort of jokey reference and he’ll give kind of a knowing chuckle, but when you ask him a more in depth question about the source of the reference he’s never seen or heard of it. It’s not the kind of thing where you could ever call him a bad person, but just the sort of situation where you tire of him because he’s like talking to a bad TV morning show, enthusiastic about everything, but knowledgeable about nothing. Then you’re hatred begins to grow morph into a weird situation where you get really irritable every time someone’s like “don’t you just love Shaq? He’s so nice.” And you begin a grassroots whisper campaign dedicated to the concept of Shaq being a jerk. Then one day, he’s the only one who remembers Karen’s birthday and he brings her a big cake that he says is from everyone and you hate yourself for hating him and then you hate him more for being so perfect and setting an impossibly high standard for humanity while still possessing personal flaws that effect you personally, but I digress.

He just seems like one of those assholes.

Well, that’s my way too revealing and personal on the original basketball playing Superman, but how about you. If you worked with Shaq would you get along?

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