Is This Chicago’s Hottest New Band?…

strongest swimmers band, chicago

You bet your sweet balls it is, and if you haven’t heard of them, well, you just don’t know much about music. You probably don’t know anything about sex, drugs, long-term care insurance, rainbows, 11-team parlays, or anything else worthwhile for that matter.

It was just a few weeks ago that I became aware of this band, and yes, I was late to the party as usual. I was doin’ my thing one day, you know, just sittin’ around listening to Supertramp and playing Final Fantasy when my Grandma came down to my room in the basement. She’s like, “You heard of these friggin’ assholes?” As the second syllable came off her wrinkled tongue she was already midway through tossing an old 45 rpm record at me. Damn near sliced open my lotion bottle. Couldn’t believe she threw it that hard.

Anyway, I don’t know why the Strongest Swimmers are peddling 45′s, but the shit rocks, and it rocks hard. The band’s apparently pretty stealthy about the venues they play at. Real low-key like, you know, old school. But here’s the thing. I’ve got a source, and he’s pretty good. Like, conquer Zelda in an hour good, so trust me on this shit. The SS (that’s what I call ‘em) will be playing the Elbo Room again for an encore performance. February 22nd! So, get down there to see this, cause they’re gonna kick the crap out of you with their ‘face-melting rock’, and stomp on your pussy soul. Yeah, that’s right, you’ll be dead, but you’ll go out right. Rockin’ to shit you’ve never heard before….

strongest swimmers, elbo room, chicago band

This entry was posted in Choice Cuts and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>