KanGo was recruited, by an local adventure-type Meetup group, to attend his first AquaPalooza this weekend on lovely Lake Mendota, in amazing Madison,
Wisconsin. APs are international watersports events sponsored by Sea Ray boats. Initiated in 2006 they are usually a boat-tied, barley-bashed, water-doused reality show of sorts. Complete with thong-donned curvaceous babes and football chuckin’ no-necked muscleheads, it is also the watersport the entire family can enjoy. A barge-based band provides the spark and free-flowing libations fuel the day-long (no need for a wet t-shirt contest here) all-American celebration of summer.
KanGo, with friends in flow arrive and gently position their pontoon platoon into the second line of boats and tie up. Off starboard bow, three large boats (ships) fly the menacing Jolly Roger’s skull and crossbones. Visions of booty-bound pirates, perhaps even Gasparilla surrounded by his personal stash of beautiful booty babes, swarm in KanGo’s head. Thoughts of Blackbeard, before his head was lopped off, and the mostly misunderstood pirate’s “code” loom large.
A few brave marine platooners abandon ship, some with inflatable landing-craft rafts filled with hours worth of provisions, and splash through the seaweed toward the sandy-bottomed dance floor. KanGo follows a mermaid, just in from Waikiki, down the ladder, then struggles to keep her insight. More than a hundred people frolic in the murky waters off Picnic Point and dance to the “Midlife Crisis Band,” while consuming mass quantities.
During the band’s second break, KanGo searches for a land-based latrine but comes up empty. He returns to the water and engages the Hawaiian. She whispers, “Just go in the water silly…and don’t talk about it.” That’s it! That’s the code, the boat-people code! There’s never ever a need for Bucky’s porta-pottys at this event, for you wallow unknowingly (which is good) in more people and pet pee than you care to imagine…just don’t. Hot spots in the cool water signal you have indeed wandered into the mucky waters known exclusively to the boat people as “Palooza Pissonya.” This is simply liquid logistics: The more bottles of booze the body absorbs, the merrier you get; the merrier you become, the more you have to go…and as per nature’s request, that leads to the release of gallons of algae and seaweed thriving nutrients, necessitating an emergency call to the city’s chief kelp cutter and carp controller. Kinda negates the 20-dollar, “Leinie’s Clean Lakes Initiative” donation for free beer…don’t cha think?
Aside from the impending international dysentery disaster, this is a 5-star, stress-relieving event that kanGo recommends to anyone with or without a boat. You can always wade out to the green-slime dance floor, or float by the band in an inflatable lounge chair packin’ 6-packs of you’re favorite fermented barley.
Just don’t forget the shades and self-sanitizing sunblock.
Color me gone,
KGV
