PART ONE: “SERVICING THE SECRET SERVICE”

Dania the Columbian hooker, Secret Service Scandal
“Dania”, Columbian ‘Servicer’

Dateline: Cartagena, Columbia

Eleven, no wait, 14-members or maybe even 21, (who counts when your having fun) of President Obama’s Secret Service (Uniformed Division Officers) are under scrutiny for allegedly screwing their “Summit of the Americas” supplied escorts, every which way but loose. The trip’s focus is to boost economic ties, so it is highly hypocritical not support these ladies in their economic endeavors.

Self-described in the travel brochures as “purveyors of pleasure” and “copulatory kittens” these slippery sultry sluts have been solely credited with reinvigorating Columbia’s once sagging tourist trade. A presidential spokesman stated, “This is simply a merit pay issue and should not be misconstrued.

For god’s sakes, these men protect the president of the free world! Cut them some slack! The very least we should do as American citizens is to say thank you, then eagerly pay their transgressions. Besides, R ‘n’ R (relax and release) is standard issue for these mission-accomplished moments, and it is because of this lax policy that our high number of enlistments ensure the best and the brightest applicants available.”

He also went on to say, “The Hotel Caribe’s requirement for all female visitors to vacate the rooms by 5-am precipitated the problem. What happens to the “hello sunshine, 5-o’clock everwhere boner? How would you all like to be left high and dry…especially after stuffing a G-note in the G-string.”

Late yesterday, one lucious Latin lady of the night sought for questioning in the affair, came forward and accused her John of stiffing her more than twice…the third time for $770. Shame on you boy! Sounds like a deal made in heaven to KGV. A Columbian street vendor when asked for his opinion stated in fractured but discernable English,” Da Columbia people have inferior culture. Da Americanos should set an example.” Perhaps by pollinating their young women America is unknowingly elevating Columbia to eventual world status. Let us not forget, we Americans are melting-pot made, mongrels at best and the better for it (unless of course you are our current president, then…you’re just a mutty Moslem).

In a rare and unanimous decision by an emergency joint session, Congress vowed to investigate this beckoning crisis, leaving no holes unplugged. They have summoned the recently recommissioned Costa Concordia and its flamboyant captain, to transport all elected and appointed officials, excluding family members, but including several Supreme Court Justices (AKA the “frequent farters”) to Cartagena’s Hotel Caribe. Heading up the all-male review on this female fact-finding junket, is an ex-presidential candidate/flamboyant flyboy, donning designer Depends, he deemed “to get to the bottom of this.” Also on the invite list is a high ranking past statesman recovering from heart surgery and as always, accompanied by a team of cardiologists.

If all goes well and the ship steers clear of the rocks, America’s powers-to-be will be in America’s favorite port of call soon, drinking out of a coconut while covertly searching the sugar sands…for hot, steaming, cocoa-butter-basted beauties. Hot damn! They smell good enough to eat!

Stay tuned for part two: “BOYS WILL BE BOYS or WOODIES IN WONDERLAND”

Color me gone,

KGV

About KanGo

Once upon a time, in a great, vast and diverse country, not so far away, there lived millions of normal people, known as "Ordinares." Also inhabiting this wondrous land and living amongst the Ordies, in not so perfect harmony, were the wanderers, deemed the "Dreamers." The Dreamers were dazed and restless but also highly innovative. The Ordies assumed they were all afflicted with some strange mental malady, for most suffered from inattentiveness and low self-esteem. A birth defect possibly or perhaps just a tall fall from a short crib at an early age initiated their inability to integrate into society. However, the Dreamers preferred this explanation for their quirky behavior: Born with racing brains, guided by misfiring neurons sparking sporadically and ricocheting throughout the vast but extremely creative front lobe, they endured a morose, mundane society contrived by the Ordinares. The mundane-minded Ordies encouraged the Dreamers to be medicated, but those who followed that ill-advised advice, lost their imaginative powers and essentially became..."them." However, most Dreamers elected to live drug-free and to sooth their savaged souls, many participated in thrill-seeking activities such as racing cars or flying planes. In the midst of all the chaos came a sense of peaceful serenity…and that was good. Among our most notable Dreamers were Albert Einstein who choose not to speak until he was four and Thomas Edison, not to mention most artists, comedians, musicians, writers and KanGo Vyrall.
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